Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax: Wife jealous of woman eating off her husband’s plate

 

Dear Carolyn: My husband eats lunch with his co-workers every day. I joined them out recently and one of his single, female co-workers began eating off his plate. When I noticed it, she snatched back her hand.

My husband is pretty familiar with his co-workers, but I’m pretty sure he would be livid that a single, male co-worker was eating off my plate, especially if it appeared to be a habit.

I’m not worried even remotely that he’s cheating on me (and wouldn’t read this as evidence he was), but I am jealous. I am also worried that his boundaries at work should be better and maybe I should say something? Am I reacting over nothing or is this a trespass?

Too Territorial?

Normally I suggest getting to know your own mind before raising a difficult topic like this, but here I suggest the reverse — talking about it with your husband to help you get to know your own mind. And his.

The important thing is to present it not as an accusation disguised as a hypothetical, but instead as genuinely trying to understand something that struck you as odd. You want to know why it’s bugging you, and how he sees it — including how he’d see it if a male colleague ate off your plate.

Spell out, even, that you’re not accusing anyone of anything, you’re just chewing (sorry) on this and so it makes sense to go to the source. That leaves him ample room to say, “Huh, I never thought about it that way, I guess I am sending a bad message here,” or to make an argument that it’s nothing — which in turn will give you ample room to learn something from his response.

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at facebook.com/carolyn.hax.

Read more Lifestyle stories from the Miami Herald

  •  
 <span class="cutline_leadin">RARE TREAT:</span> Robbyns Martinez’s Spicy Lamb Ribs with Abita root beer glaze, toasted sesame and scallions.

    Holiday cooking

    Miami chefs put a twist on Easter classics

    Confit pork belly, chimichurri, root beer give new flavors to traditional ham and lamb.

  • The Edgy Veggie

    Edgy Veggie: Eggless ‘Egg Salad’

    This must be the egg industry’s favorite time of the year. There’s Easter eggs, egg-rich Easter cakes and cookies, Easter brunch omelets, casseroles and eggs Benedict (eggs atop English muffins and in the Hollandaise sauce). Eggs also play a big part at Passover. They’re on the Seder plate and in matzo balls, kugels and Passover desserts. Eggs, though, aren’t all they’re cracked up to be for cholesterol avoiders, allergic folk (eggs are among the top eight food allergens) and vegans. Plant-powered egg alternatives mean we still get a place at the holiday table.

  • Cook’s Corner

    Cook’s Corner: Behold the new colors of Easter eggs

    Radiant Orchid, Pantone Color Institute’s color of the year, not only is the hot spring fashion color, but it has made its way into the Easter egg parade. Forget the pastels of yesteryear; what’s trending now are vivid colors. McCormick developed these formulas for making vibrant dyes.

Miami Herald

Join the
Discussion

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category