Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Mom of four musters courage to leave abusive marriage

 

Dear Abby: I have lived in an abusive marriage for 11 years. Now, when I have finally mustered the courage to leave, everybody says I must stay “for the children” as he is a “changed man.”

I no longer love him and he refuses to give me a divorce. He also refuses to admit there is anything wrong in the marriage and says I’m exaggerating everything.

I have tried counseling and therapy alone because he refused to join me. I do not want my four children to be affected by my choice and wish for a mutual discussion, but he doesn’t want to discuss divorce. I am afraid to stay and afraid to leave. I have no support system here.

Wants out in Illinois

After 11 years of abuse and counseling and therapy alone because your husband would not accompany you, his wishes should no longer affect your decision. Pick up the phone and contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-7233. That’s the place to find information about how to form an escape plan for yourself and your children. Whether your husband is willing to discuss divorce or not, he cannot force you to remain married to him. An attorney can help you with the process once you are out of there.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Read more Lifestyle stories from the Miami Herald

  • Southern Cross Stargazer for Aug. 3-9, 2014

    First Quarter Moon occurs at 8:50 p.m. and floats 6 degrees to the right of silver Saturn — encircled in sunlit icy rings — in the south-southwest. Ruddy Mars grows dim about 8 degrees to the right of the moon. The planets set late evening.

  • Condo Line

    What happened to our annual meeting?

    Q: I would like your opinion on whether or not an association must have an annual meeting. As of now, the last annual meeting in our HOA was in March 2012. FS 720 states that the association “shall” conduct an annual meeting. Our current board and property management company are of the opinion that you only have to try to have one. If a quorum is not reached then the annual meeting is not held and no attempt is made to schedule another meeting.

  •  
A young angler fishes the waters off Key West.

    Key west: better in summer, after tourists go home

    Key Westers who live on the island year-round have a steamy little secret: Lots of us like the place better in the summer.

Miami Herald

Join the
Discussion

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category