Super Bowl With a Smirk is as emotional as Ray Lewis during a national anthem as I offer up my fifth and final Smirk column of the week.
We’d like to thank God because without God and God’s blessing, Smirking would not be possible. By God.
Now on to our final offering:
Snoop Dogg (unless he’s serious about being called Snoop Lion) has been spotted in New Orleans, and he’s the de facto mayor of annual Super Bowl partying, and so that can mean only one thing: The events that you can’t get into because you are not famous or rich enough have officially begun!
Super Bowls always attract gobs of celebrities, especially when held in party towns like N’Awlins. Super Bowl Week is when you might hear someone shout, “That’s Ludacris!” and be unsure if they meant the rapper or the general excess.
Friday night’s big event was the exclusive 13th annual Playboy Super Bowl party at Jackson Brewery, featuring 20 Playmates and music by the rapper B.O.B.
(The Leather & Laces party ran concurrently at Second Line Studios and included three former Playboy models, Jenny McCarthy, Kendra Wilkinson and Audrina Patridge. That sounded fun but failed to meet Smirk’s long-held Four-Bunny Minimum).
Saturday’s hot-ticket parties include ones hosted by GQ, with Lil Wayne performing, and Maxim.
The Maxim party anticipated a capacity crowd of some 2,300; however, it is partly sponsored by Fox Sports, and late rumors of a possible party appearance by annoying Terry Bradshaw are expected to curtail attendance.
• Smirk has seen too many Super Bowl ads. Had a dream last night in which a hat-wearing donkey who longed to be a Clydesdale was refereeing a wrestling match between Betty White and the E-Trade baby.
• Commissioner Roger Goodell delivered his annual state of the NFL address Friday, but was difficult to hear over the steady drone of snoring sportswriters.
• Two big league events Saturday night: NFL Honors awards show hosted by Alec Baldwin at Mahalia Jackson Theater, and Taste of the NFL featuring food from each league city at the convention center. This year it’s Baltimore’s Crispy Blue Crab Gyoza with Lemongrass Oyster Stew vs. San Francisco’s Smoked Piedmontese Brisket on Rainbow Cabbage. Smirk goes with the brisket, because “gyoza” sounds like a condition I need to see my doctor about.
• Sunday’s pregame show will include performances by Jennifer Hudson, Justin Timberlake, Stevie Wonder, CeeLo Green, Rascal Flatts, Journey and Alicia Keys. The football game will follow, time permitting.
• Warren Sapp and Bill Parcells are among 15 Pro Football Hall of Fame finalists up for possible selection Saturday in New Orleans. The announcement will be made in the convention center’s Bob Kuechenberg Disappointment Room.
• Head coaching brothers Jim and John Harbaugh held a joint news conference Friday to reveal they have never gotten along and are not, in fact, even related.
• Surviving members of Queen agreed to a new version of their classic song We Will Rock You that incorporates elements of The NFL on CBS theme and will debut on Sunday. Freddie Mercury was too busy spinning in his grave to comment.
• An orangutan named Eli at Utah’s Hogle Zoo predicted a Baltimore victory by knocking down the edible papier-mache goalpost with the Ravens logo. A zoo spokesman denied it was a publicity stunt.
• Smirk has learned Sunday’s Super Bowl could not start if not for a Melbourne, Fla., company called The Highland Mint, which produces the coin used in the pregame flip. Silver with gold highlights, the ornate coin is valued at about $100. Of course, the NFL could use a regular old quarter, but that’d make too much sense.
• A one-hour documentary about Dolphins legend Don Shula, called Shula 347, will premiere Saturday at 3 p.m. on CBS. Sources have told Smirk the documentary is “very likely” to reference the 1972 Perfect Season.
• Finally, a live interview with Barack Obama from the White House at 4:30 p.m. Sunday will be featured in CBS’ pregame coverage. Republicans are demanding equal time to vehemently oppose the president and say they are NOT looking forward to a good game.