It’s that time again: Resolution time. We can think of a couple ideas for a few in-the-news celebrities. Hey, people, we’re talking to you:

Jessica Simpson: We get it. We get it. You’re in the maternal stage a la Tori Spelling. But you may want to hold off on getting pregnant again, especially if another Weight Watchers contract is in your future.

Matthew McConaughey: You’ve lost close to 40 pounds from your once-buff frame for your role as AIDs/AZT activist Ron Woodroof in Dallas Buyer’s Club. Let 2013 be the year of more carbohydrates and less Method acting.

Kristen Stewart: You let Rob Pattinson slip through your fingers once for a married man (with kids!). Try monogamy or cut your vampire boyfriend loose.

Ben Affleck: A rumor that the Argo director/star was running to replace Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry turned out not to be true. Please, Ben, don’t rule it out. If not next year, perhaps when you’re a little more gray in the temples.

Rihanna & Chris Brown: Your Twitter followers have had enough of the racy photos. Either come out as a couple or drop the cameras.

Taylor Swift: Try to stick it out with One Direction cutie Harry Styles, or else he may end up writing a song about you, with a little help from Conor Kennedy, Jake Gyllenhaal and John Mayer.

Kim Kardashian & Kanye West: No more matching black leather outfits. Especially in Miami!

Lindsay Lohan: Pay your taxes, don’t drive and while you’re at it, stay away from the vodka. You know things are bad if you make Charlie Sheen look like a guardian angel.

Fat Joe & Stephen Baldwin: Get better accountants. (See Lindsay Lohan’s tax woes).

Nicki Minaj: Wear outfits that fit your curves. The end.

Honey Boo Boo: Eat your vegetables. And we don’t mean ketchup.

Lea Black: If The Real Housewives of Miami gets picked up for a season 3, can you find a different topic of conversation besides your annual gala?

Chad Johnson: The ex NFL star is reportedly furious an old sex tape starring him was leaked to the Web. Resolve to grab coffee one of these days with Hulk Hogan.

Madeleine Marr