Certain things we come to expect in local sports. They are not surprises. We brace ourselves. We expect and accept them. Dolphins out of the playoffs. Marlins leading the league in cheapness and outrage. Panthers idled by an NHL lockout. A Hurricanes bowl ban. Not surprising.

The Heat is supposed to be our antidote — not surprising, but in the opposite direction. Uninterrupted excellence to offset the disappointment elsewhere.

This isn’t supposed to happen: The Heat surprising us with fallibility. With nights that make you wonder if the guys secretly agreed that winning another championship would be unbecoming, indicative of greed.

A loss to a Wizards team that was 1-13? Seriously? No defending champion ever has lost to a team with that bad a record. Then a 20-point home loss to the Knicks? Really? Miami in its Big 3 era has never been so humbled (read: embarrassed) on its own floor.

I swear. If you tell me the Heat lost Saturday night to 5-12 New Orleans, that might just send me over the cliff like Thelma and Louise. I mean, the Hornets are not only bad, they’re changing their nickname to Pelicans. What, Dodo Birds was taken? When you lose to a team called the Pelicans, it’s time to quit.

So enough with this mortality, Heat. No more surprises of the negative sort.

Don’t make me unretire that rumor about Pat Riley getting the coaching itch and Erik Spoelstra wanting to spend more time with his family. You push me and I will!

• Miami hosts the Jan. 7 BCS Nationals Championship Game after the Jan. 1 Orange Bowl, and three out of four (teams) ain’t bad, right? Alabama-Notre Dame is perfect for the title game, and FSU is as good as the OB could expect. But Northern Illinois? From the Mid-American Conference? Seriously!? What, Ball State was busy?

• This is Day 85 of the NHL lockout and talks apparently have stalled again, but commissioner Gary Bettman said he was “pleased with the process.” Thus redefining the phrase, “Easily pleased.”

• The prestigious annual Orange Bowl International Championship of junior tennis ends Sunday in Plantation. Some of the best young players in the world competed and were berated loudly by their boorish, abusive, domineering, jerk parents.

• 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh played a football player in a 1996 episode of NBC’s Saved By the Bell. Unfortunately for the Dolphins, in his current role he plays a very good coach with an awesome defense.

• Aside to Dolphins coach Joe Philbin: If Sunday’s game comes down to Miami having to stop a late drive by the 49ers, you might consider putting Cameron Wake in the game. Just a thought.

• San Francisco QB Colin Kaepernick is covered in tattoos. Usually, Wake’s uniform shows grass stains after a game. On Sunday, it might show ink stains.

•  Ryan Tannehill? Sure, I’d say that other than having a spotty running game, no premier receivers and now Jake Long on injured reserve, he’s getting all the help he needs. Absolutely!

• The Heat’s Chris Bosh told a local film festival he does not want his name associated with a short animated film in which he is portrayed as an intergalactic time traveler. I get his point. What basketball player wants to be associated with traveling?