TRAILER-HITCH-MOUNTED STRIPPER POLE

 
 
 
 
BOB EIGHMIE / FOR THE HERALD

$449 plus shipping and handling from Platinum Stages, 1582 Monrovia Ave., Newport Beach, Calif., 92663, 866-857-6537; www.platinumstages.com

Suggested by Sharon Lurie of Antioch, Tenn.

The big problem with conventional stripper poles is that they are attached to strip clubs, which are large heavy buildings and therefore difficult to transport. This severely limits a stripper’s ability to relocate his or her pole quickly in the event of an emergency, or to make a house call. That is why we are so excited about this product, which is a solid-steel stripper pole on a platform that mounts on a standard vehicle trailer hitch. This means that the pole can be moved to anywhere the vehicle can go. Theoretically, it also means that the stripper could do a pole dance in traffic. We don’t know if that would be legal, but it should be. If we had more strippers pole-dancing on our highways, we would have a lot fewer drivers looking down at their phones and texting. In other words, this item could actually be beneficial to highway safety. It could also bring some much-needed levity to funeral processions.

Next gift: SQUIRREL AND CHICKEN MASKS

DAVE BARRY 2012 GIFT GUIDE

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