$10 plus shipping and handling from American Standard Plumber Protects League, 1 Centennial Plaza, Piscataway, NJ 08855-6820, 800-442-1902; www.plumberprotects.com

Submitted by Janice Gelb of Melbourne, Australia

Do you have a child on your holiday gift list? If so, we’re certain that child will be very surprised to receive this item. It’s the Mega Plumber Action Hero, and it’s sold by American Standard, a leading manufacturer of commodes. The Mega Plumber stands six inches tall and comes with a miniature toilet. Tragically, he does not come with a miniature visible butt crack. Nevertheless we’re sure he’ll provide hours of quality entertainment for any child who enjoys fantasizing — and what child does not? — about unclogging drains. We think American Standard should come out with additional plumbing-related action figures, including villains who could be Mega Plumber’s arch-enemy, such as The Leaker, Big-Wad-of-Toilet-Paper-Flushing Woman and Hairball.

Next gift: POTATO-CHIP-GRABBING HAND

DAVE BARRY 2012 GIFT GUIDE

• ‘ON THE GO’ CHARACTER INFLATABLE POTTY SEAT
• ‘THE WOOFER’ WEARABLE SOUND SYSTEM FOR DOGS
• NFL PRO TOASTER
• MEGA PLUMBER ACTION HERO
• POTATO-CHIP-GRABBING HAND
• ARTIFICIAL GRASS FLIP-FLOPS

• TRAILER-HITCH-MOUNTED STRIPPER POLE
• SQUIRREL AND CHICKEN MASKS
• TOILET TATTOOS
• INFLATABLE UNICORN HORNS FOR CATS
• EMERGENCY UNDERPANTS DISPENSER
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