Dear Abby: I’m a 51-year-old man. Three years ago, my first and only marriage ended after 20 years. Over the past two years, I have been in a wonderful relationship with a very bright woman, “Toni,” who told me she had been married twice before.
A year ago, her job required that she move out of state, but we have successfully maintained the long-distance relationship with frequent visits and daily phone calls.
A few days ago, I learned by chance that she was briefly married a third time while she was in her early 20s. I’m having a difficult time with this news — not for the additional marriage, but for the fact that she chose not to share it with me. I have bared my soul to her and thought she had done the same. I’m sad and disappointed.
Toni doesn’t know that I know this, but it has changed my feelings for her. Trust issues are in question. Do I bring this up now? If so, how? Do I wait for her to bring it up someday in the future? How do I reconcile it in the meantime?
Let Down in California
You say you visit each other frequently, so I assume you plan to be together soon. When you see her, tell her you were told she had been briefly married a third time. She may have told you she was twice divorced, and if the marriage in her 20s was annulled, that may be the reason she didn’t mention it. If you were deliberately lied to, you will know by her reaction.