Random Evidence of a Cluttered Mind

Our Marlins Word of the Moment: omnishambles

 

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Today: Lowest-scoring Dolphins teams. Miami’s recent offensive slump has dropped the team’s season scoring average to 18.70 points, on pace to be the ninth-lowest per-game average in the franchise’s 47 seasons. The five lowest-scoring teams in club history:

Average Year (Pts. / G / W-L) Starting quarterback*
15.211966 (213 / 14 / 3-11)George Wilson Jr.
15.641967 (219 / 14 / 4-10)Bob Griese
16.252006 (260 / 16 / 6-10)Joey Harrington
16.631980 (266 / 16 / 8-8)David Woodley
16.641969 (233 / 14 / 3-10-1)Bob Griese

*-Based on most games started.


What South Florida sports fans are talking about:

1. MARLINS

Betrayed! Major salary-dump trade enrages fans: Owner Jeffrey Loria gutted his team by trading five top players in a massive cost-cutting — to such an outcry commissioner Bud Selig is reviewing the deal. Few think he’ll make the trade go away, but if it’s in the “best interests of baseball,” maybe he can make the owner go away!

2. DOLPHINS

Tannehill, offense struggle as Miami loses third in a row: Dolphins seemed playoff-bound until the defeat at Indy, the home loss to Tennessee, then Thursday’s loss at Buffalo — with five Ryan Tannehill interceptions the past two games. Relax. Let the rookie grow. First one to call for a QB change gets a dunce hat and stands in the corner.

3. NASCAR

Season title on line Sunday in finale at Homestead: Brad Keselowski and Jimmie Johnson are the only drivers who can win the NASCAR Sprint Cup season crown here Sunday, with Keselowski needing only to finish at least 15th. Could be an anticlimactic finale. What say we add a little drama by getting Keselowski’s pit crew all liquored up?

4. HURRICANES

UM seeks bowl-eligibility in home finale against USF: Canes tried again Saturday to get bowl-eligible against South Florida — then had to hope UM didn’t self-impose a ban — after last week’s 41-40 loss at Virginia left UM 5-5. Never a good sign when your team’s suspended or disciplined players outnumber your team’s wins.

5. HEAT

Champs return home after six games away: After a six-game trip and three days off, the Heat faces Milwaukee here Wednesday night. Dwyane Wade battling injuries! Loss at Memphis! Defensive lapses! Calamity! Just kidding, of course. All is well. But we need something to be concerned about to help pass the time until the Eastern Conference finals.

gcote@miamiherald.com

London’s Oxford University Press, the dictionary folks, have revealed their 2012 Word of the Year. It is “omnishambles,” which is defined as, “a situation that has been comprehensively mismanaged and is characterized by a string of blunders and miscalculations.”

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Marlins.

Surely, the team’s latest salary-dump fire sale and owner Jeffrey Loria’s uncanny ability to make his customers hate him somehow inspired the invention of the word, because mere “shambles” does not go nearly far enough for this newest mess our baseball franchise has made for itself.

On the bright side, local fans, a heartbreaking Canes football loss or five interceptions in two games by Ryan Tannehill don’t seem quite as bad when juxtaposed against a baseball owner who got a new stadium built on the promise of big payrolls and competitive teams and this week seemed to renege on that and betray that faith.

Miami-Dade County and the city of Miami apparently did not get in writing any minimum standards on player payrolls as part of the stadium deal. Shockingly, that puts Loria on the honor system, which is something like asking a drunk to close up the bar at night.

Am recalling the famous line from Animal House and picturing a grinning Loria saying it to local politicians and fans: “You can’t spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes. You [screwed] up. You trusted us!”

Meanwhile, new Marlins manager Mike Redmond only has experience leading minor-league teams, which apparently will continue to be the case in 2013.

• Nigeria beat Venezuela on Wednesday in an international friendly played at Marlins Park. Following the game, all of the best players from both teams were traded to other countries by Loria.

•  Tiki Barber has founded a company, Thuzio, that allows fans to rent athletes. Most are retired but some are not. One name that jumps out at us: Tannehill. Seriously. You can pay the Dolphins quarterback $5,000 to have dinner with you or attend your fantasy draft. You can pay him $7,500 to play a round of golf or attend your kid’s bar mitzvah. There also is a category called “Custom Request.” Here’s mine: I’ll pay Ryan $10,000 to quit throwing so damned many interceptions!

• Tackle Jake Long and punter Brandon Fields are the two Dolphins leading at their positions in early Pro Bowl fan voting. (Psst. Let’s not tell the fans that Jake isn’t having a very good season!)

• But on the bright side, Dolfans, the turbulence surrounding Rex Ryan’s Jets is fare worse than what Miami is going through. Brushfires everywhere. Good thing Fireman Ed is handy.

• No. 23 Miami plays No. 24 Tennessee on Sunday in one of the bigger home games in UM women’s basketball history. Both are out to prove they might be as good as just about any team not named Baylor.

• FIU and FAU, a combined 5-15, battled for the Shula Bowl trophy Friday night. Anybody else think it strange that the NFL’s all-time winningest coach is aligned with these schools? Sort of like the Sir Laurence Olivier Regional Dinner Theatre.

• NASCAR fined Jeff Gordon $100,000 but did not suspend him for intentionally wrecking Clint Bowyer, possibly resulting in payback Sunday at Homestead. Not sure what you have to do to get suspended. Perhaps if Gordon had leaned out the cockpit with an Uzi and shot out Bowyer’s tires?

• Lakers appeared to offer Phil Jackson their coaching job before publicly yanking it out from under him. That’s got to test a man’s Zen tranquility, huh? “What the — ommmmmm…”

• The New York Knicks entered the weekend as the NBA’s last unbeaten team. “Not worried,” said Mercury Morris.

• Former Seahawk Jerramy Stevens and U.S. women’s soccer goalkeeper Hope Solo were married hours after a domestic dispute landed Stevens in jail. Over/under on length of marriage: How’s six months sound?

• A Florida-Georgetown basketball game on the deck of the USS Bataan was called at halftime because of condensation on the court. A Syracuse-San Diego State game aboard the USS Midway saw shots altered by strong winds. OK, enough. This was a novelty. Now it’s tired. Stop playing games on warships.

• NHL commissioner Gary Bettman has called for a two-week break in negotiations. Sure, because when your league’s lockout has seeped into its third month and the entire hockey season is in jeopardy … what’s the hurry!?

• Rapper T.I. joined the Hawks broadcast team for last week’s game against the visiting Heat. Turnabout is fair play, so what’s next? Marv Albert on stage hyping at an Eminem show?

• That reminds me. Rapper 50 Cent has challenged Floyd Mayweather Jr. to a fight. I don’t wanna say 50 Cent is a has been, but isn’t his career down to about 10 Cent?

• Baseball’s string of postseason awards included Miguel Cabrera as AL MVP even though many thought rookie Mike Trout should have won. No. Rule of thumb: Anybody who wins a Triple Crown for the first time in 45 years gets to say he had the best season.

• The Los Angeles L.A. Galaxy and Houston Dynamo are angling to make it an MLS Cup rematch in soccer. That finals would feature David Beckham

• Voters in Colorado and Washington State approved recreational use of marijuana, but the new law has not caused the immediate population boom expected. It’s because most of the folks driving there stopped their VW vans en route to have a snack and forgot where they were going or why.

•  Parting thought: Florida State coach Jimbo Fisher said, “I think the BCS stinks.” OK. Maybe. But you have to admit the BCS stinks a little less now that Nick Saban lost and isn’t in its championship game.

Visit Greg’s Random Evidence of a Cluttered Blog daily at MiamiHerald.com, watch video at YouTube/TheGregCote and follow on Twitter @gregcote.

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