Dear Abby: A friend’s daughter was married several years ago. I attended the shower and her wedding, and gave gifts for both.

Two months after the wedding, I received a thank-you note in which a form letter was enclosed that read, “By the way, we are now separated and getting a divorce”! I was shocked not only by the news, but even more that my gifts were not returned with the divorce announcement.

This young lady is now being married again to a different man. If I attend the shower/wedding, am I obligated to give her another set of gifts?

Confused in Massachusetts

The rule of etiquette regarding disposition of wedding gifts when a couple divorces after a short time is that any unused items (preferably in their original packaging) go back to the givers. However, to return cookware, linens, china, glassware, etc., that have been used is impractical, so please don’t hold a grudge.

If you decide to attend the shower and/or wedding for your friend’s daughter, it is customary to give a gift.

Dear Abby: A family member has six cats and wants to have the Thanksgiving meal at her house. Every time I eat there, I find cat hair on the table, on the plates and in the food. I don’t want to cause hard feelings, but how do I handle this? I’m allergic to cats.

Hold the fur in Amarillo, Texas

Your health must come first. Arrange to celebrate Thanksgiving elsewhere and curtail your visit. If the relative attempts to “guilt” you into changing plans, explain that you cannot because you have become allergic to cat hair and dander and your doctor has instructed you to avoid exposure.