The time is right to submit my application to become manager of the Miami Marlins. I have zero managerial experience, but what do they have to lose? I am qualified for the following reasons:
I watch baseball.
I am 25 years old. Therefore, I can be manager for more than 30 years. That alone satisfies the need for “long term security.”
I will only ask for a reasonable salary. Anything you offer me will probably be substantially larger than my current salary.
I’ve seen For the Love of the Game and realize that sometimes it’s best to get out of the way and let Kevin Costner pitch.
I promise not to sign Kevin Costner.
I will not show my support for a dictator.
I am available for any and all appearances that may be asked of me.
I can be understood by the media.
I have other qualifications. I won’t waste the team’s time unless they want a formal interview.
Jeff Saint, Tallahassee