Dear Carolyn: I dont know why I got married. Probably a swirling mix of low self-esteem, anxiety, and the desire to prove my mother wrong about my boyfriend caused me to pressure him to propose. What Im left with is a husband who doesnt really love me and the sinking feeling that I made a terrible mistake.
I dont know how much effort to put into making this work vs. cutting my losses. He isnt a bad person, but we dont make each other particularly happy, and this isnt a relationship where I feel treasured. I would get a divorce without thinking about it, but Im embarrassed about the possible I told you sos.
Are you ready to spend the rest of your life miserable, and drag your husband into your misery with you, just to avoid hearing I told you so i.e., just to avoid temporarily granting spectators the upper hand people who seek validation in your pain?
Ive seen someone stay in a marriage just to prove the naysayers wrong, and its not a life Id wish on anybody. (Well, a few people maybe, but only when I let my petty evil twin have her say.) I bet youve seen such marriages yourself.
People who would exult in being right even though it equates to taking pleasure in your failure are not worth even a flicker of deference when it comes to running your life.
One final thought-starter: The quest for public approval apparently got you into this marriage, and has all but chained you to it. Isnt it time to find some other rules to live by?