I received yet another invitation to someone’s home for a “product party.” In the past year, I have been considered a prospective buyer of cookware, candles, makeup, toys and vitamins. While I have at times used these products, these invitations irritate me.
When I phone to decline, the hostess invariably says, “Oh, you don’t have to buy anything.” Of course that’s not entirely true, because “guests” are pressured in various ways. People often buy things they don’t need or want because they fear they’d be disloyal to the hostess if they didn’t.
Abby, how should unwanted invitations be handled?
Irked in Indiana
Continue to decline the invitations. Tell the hostess you have “a conflict” and cannot change your plans. You don’t have to give any details. To ease your conscience, your “conflict” can be your plan to watch your favorite I Love Lucy rerun on TV.
I’m wondering what I should do when my biological father dies. He and my mother divorced before I was born. I’ve had little contact with him, but my older sister and brother are close to him.
My mother died 20 years ago, and afterward I tried to get to know him, but he didn’t want to know me. He never paid child support. Both he and my mother remarried. I was fortunate to have a loving stepfather, and we were close until his death.
When the time comes, I am considering not going to my birth father’s funeral. I have not told my sister because she thinks he is the greatest. I think he is a dirt ball. What do you advise?
Confused in Sioux City
Funerals are for the living. Go and give your siblings the emotional support they will need. I understand why you feel the way you do, but in this situation, it would be an act of kindness to keep your true feelings to yourself.
Several years ago, when I read one of your letters about pennies from heaven, I laughed about it to myself. My sister-in-law had died a few months earlier and I said, “OK, Sharyn, if you’re there, send me a penny from heaven.”
Abby, the next day when I arrived at work, there on my keyboard was a perfectly placed penny. And for weeks afterward I kept finding more pennies. Finally I had to say, “OK, Sharyn, I get it.” And the pennies stopped.
A Believer Now in Somers, Conn.
I’m glad your faith is restored. If you saved them, have them made into charms for a bracelet. Every time you wear it you’ll feel close to Sharyn.