On behalf of the city of Miami and South Florida at large I would like to personally welcome to town a special, honored guest, Mr. Timothy Richard Tebow, former Gator, famous virgin, devout Christian, inventor of Tebowing, future politician and innocent tormentor of Mark Sanchez.
Id also like to announce that Tebow has now become the NFLs all-time career leader in APPA: Attention Per Pass Attempt.
(Man, they keep stats on everything now, dont they?)
Tebow currently plays, or rather doesnt play much, for the Jets. Entering the third game of the season Sunday, he has thrown zero passes and had six carries, much to the consternation of an infatuated New York media eager to fan the dying flame of Tebowmania.
A year ago, Tebowmania was a bona fide phenomenon, organic, justified. He led six fourth-quarter comebacks for Denver.
Now Tebowmania has become a fraud or at least a fading memory. And yet there he is on the cover of GQs football preview issue. There he is with his own dedicated page on NFL.com. There he is in the current Vogue, shirtless and pushing a giant 6-foot tire.
It isnt so much that Tebowmania has expired as that coach Rex Ryan and henchman Tony Sparano have conspired, apparently, to kill it. Men have been tried for lesser crimes.
Jets fans and Dolfans, can we join together as one in a massive We Want Tebow! chant?
On Sunday, surely it would be the Lords will.
• A fan disgruntled by years of bad Dolphins teams and poor decision-making confronted team general manager Jeff Ireland and said Ireland should fire himself. A stunned Ireland in turn muttered that the man was an a--hole. At least thats what it sounded like he said to me.
• The NFL will have between two and four unbeaten teams left after Sunday, the fewest ever at this point. The 1972 Dolphins just set a team record for Earliest Date, Champagne On Ice.
• Asked this week about allegations of his being a temperamental, dirty player, Dolphins guard Richie Incognito denied the claims, then punted the inquiring reporter into the practice-field bleachers.
• The Cowboys are marketing eyeglass cleaners called Jerry Wipes, named for owner Jerry Jones. Based on Dallas recent fortunes and last week, hopefully the wipes can also be used on tears.
• Answer: Vince Young is broke after squandering $26 million. Question: Who fails to crack the top 1 million of people I feel sorry for?
After Blue Jay Yunel Escobar was suspended for an antigay slur, Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen called it a cultural thing and said he jokingly calls his sons that word all the time: For us its like, Whats up? Ever notice that Ozzie Being Ozzie isnt nearly as charming when youre in last place?
• Marlins presented retiring Brave Chipper Jones with a fly-fishing kit in a ceremony before his final game in Miami this week. Man, how tiny must those hooks be to catch flies like that!?
• The Reds and Nationals were the first two teams to clinch playoff berths. So the Bible was right, then. The meek are inheriting the Earth.
• FAU played Saturday at No. 1 Alabama (no, seriously), after Owls defensive end Cory Henry boasted the Crimson Tide can be beat. A fitting retort from Bama might have been, We put on our pants one leg at a time just like FAU. Then, once in those pants, we go out and beat them by 58 points.