How the darts landed

Browns rookie quarterback Brandon Weeden was 12 for 35 with four interceptions last week. He was abysmal. I was worse. If my Week 1 records do not prove to be my worst of the season, both ways, I’ll latch a giant yoke onto my shoulders and hand-pull an American Old West-style covered wagon teeming with drunken hecklers in Jets jerseys from Miami to Los Angeles. While naked. I hit a rare exact score in calling Miami’s 30-10 loss down to the point. Alas, that was the cherry on a bowl of dung. What next? We rally, of course! [Note: Thursday game pick was Packers (-6) over Bears, 34-30].

Dolphins this week

RAIDERS (0-1) at DOLPHINS (0-1)

Line: OAK by 2 1/2.

Cote’s pick: OAK 23-17.

TV: 1 p.m., CBS (airing in South Florida).

For its home opener, the club will hand out free “Still Perfect” hats to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the 1972 Perfect Season, torturing Dolfans with the latest reminder that the franchise’s good old days have grown ancient and that the current team is comparatively crappy. Miami has begun 0-1 for the eighth time in the past 10 seasons. However, there are indications of an upset win here. Raiders have the long trip on the short week (a historic precursor to defeat), and Dolphins are on a 12-3 series run including a win here last year. So, yes, the upset pick surely does tempt. Can’t do it, though. Don’t see this as a great matchup for Miami. Oakland’s defensive front will limit Reggie Bush and harass Ryan Tannehill, and I’d imagine that slingin’ Carson Palmer might roll a 300 against that suspect Dolphins’ pass defense. Oakland isn’t great but IS better than Miami, and the Dolphins simply don’t have much in the way of any special home-field advantage these days. Miami won’t be a good bet until the offense proves it can pop for three or four touchdowns a game on occasion. I’ll wait to see that before I hail the bandwagon.

Game of the week

RAVENS (1-0) at EAGLES (1-0)

Line: PHI by 2 1/2.

Cote’s pick: PHI 30-27.

TV: 1 p.m., CBS.

There were other solid nominees put before the Game of the Week committee (Lions-49ers, Broncos-Falcons), but a Bird Bowl doesn’t get much better than Ravens-Eagles, which feels like a pick-’em game to me. Crows looked great last week. Baldies certainly didn’t in eking past Cleveland by a point but get the home-opener lift here. Plus you can bet Mike Vick won’t suffer another four-interception game (even though Ed Reed might have something to say about that). Ray Rice and LeSean McCoy make this a major fantasy-watch game, another reason why it tops the Week 2 marquee. John Harbaugh is a former 10-year Philly assistant under Andy Reid, but mentor tops student in this one.

Upset of the week

REDSKINS (1-0) at RAMS (0-1)

Line: WAS by 3.

Cote’s pick: STL 23-21.

TV: 4:05 p.m., Fox.

“AAAWWWK!” trills the Upset Bird, pride battered but beak held high. “St. Louis Raawwk!” Plainly our gamble is propped up on this: the Letdown Factor. It is human nature. Washington and sudden-superman Robert Griffin III fashioned a stunning upset at mighty New Orleans and simply CAN’T but be overconfident in now facing the lowly Rams. Thus the home hunch on St. Louis, which is playing harder and isn’t the same level of sad-sack under Jeff Fisher that we have seen in previous years. “Griffin will play more like a raawwkie this week,” guaranteed U-Bird. “No III-peat. No III-paawwk!”