Dear Gov. Scott,
Thanks for flipping off the Supreme Court and saying no way to Obamacare.
My mother-in-law was one of the million additional patients in Florida who would have been eligible for Medicaid payments, if you hadn’t spurned that terrible law.
Trust me when I tell you this woman is a major pain. I’ve been waiting years for the old shrew to kick the bucket. Finally she’s running out of money for doctors, and I was scared that the federal government was going to butt in and help her out.
But you singlehandedly stopped that from happening, governor. All I can say is: Whew!
I give her another 18 months, maybe a year. Then we’ll finally have room for that pool table!
I’m sorry to hear that your tickets and floor passes to the Republican Convention were apparently lost in the mail. Be certain it was not Gov. Romney’s intention to discourage you from attending this important and exhaustively scrutinized event.
On the contrary, we’re proud to have you in our great political party at such a critical crossroads in history!
Unfortunately, after the host committee didn’t hear back from you, your seats were given to Sen. Rubio’s plumber and his date. Also, your name was put on the Secret Service watch list.
Please accept Gov. Romney’s most sincere apologies. We’ve made special arrangements for you to watch his acceptance speech at a special high-def screening in room 307 at the Embassy Suites near Busch Gardens.
Mitt personally told me that he’s looking forward to working with you as he steers America back to prosperity, but he’d appreciate it if you kept this to yourself.
Yours in unity,