In My Opinion

Let’s just say U.S. won’t win gold for its uniforms

 

Hot list

Today: Uniform numbers. In honor of the numbers chosen by new Heat additions Rashard Lewis (9) and Ray Allen (34), the greatest players to wear those two numbers for our four pro teams:

Team Best No. 9 Best No. 34
DolphinsQB Jay Fiedler (2000-04)RB Ricky Williams (2002-10)
HeatG/F Dan Majerle (1996-2001)G/F Willie Burton (1990-94)
MarlinsOF Juan Pierre (2003-05) P A.J. Burnett (2002-05)
PanthersC Stephen Weiss (2003-current) G John Vanbiesbrouck (1994-98)


What South Florida sports fans are talking about:

1. MARLINS

Reality-TV stars back in action after All-Star break: Showtime’s “The Franchise” reality series starring Miami premiered this week, and all I can say is if the Marlins hit as well as they cursed, they’d be in first place. They now lead the league in blown saves and F-bombs. I think fans would like it more, profanity or not, if it was called “The WINNING Franchise.”

2. HEAT

Team introduces Ray Allen, Rashard Lewis: How does Miami keep getting players at under-market prices? I mean — other than a championship team, a surrounding all-star cast including the best player in the world, no state income tax, a resort city with a famous nightlife, and Pat Riley to close the deal — what does the Heat have that other teams don’t!?

3. PENN STATE SCANDAL

Report blames Paterno, others in Sandusky cover-up: The Freeh Report, a months-long independent investigation, found former football coach Joe Paterno among Penn State leaders most at fault in covering up years of child sex abuse by Jerry Sandusky. JoePa died in January. This week, his name and legacy got buried.

4. TEAM USA

LeBron, Kobe, Durant back on court for Olympic team: Kobe Bryant said his 2012 team could beat the 1992 Dream Team, to which Michael Jordan scoffed. How about this team wins gold and THEN we start the debate? Team USA beat the Dominican Republic 113-59 in its first exhibition. (It’s OK, though. You guys make better cigars than us.)

5. GREAT BRITAIN

As London Olympics near, heady days across the pond: All within a few weeks, Brits were cheering the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee, a thrilling Wimbledon, golf’s British Open up next, and in 13 days the start of the Summer Olympics. It’d be a great excuse for Londoners to hit the pubs for a celebratory pint, if only an excuse there were ever lacking.

gcote@miamiherald.com

A major development this week heaped deserved national shame on a major institution, and I cannot in good conscience sit idly by without adding my damnation.

What? Oh. You thought I meant the Freeh Report on the Penn State scandal that lambastes the late Joe Paterno among those involved in years of covering up Jerry Sandusky’s pedophile crimes? Well, yeah, that too now that you mention it. Awful. I’d ceremonially knock down Paterno’s campus statue, and I’d do a heck of a lot better job at it than the Iraqis did in 2003 throwing shoes at a bronze Saddam Hussein.

For now though, my outrage is directed at the U.S. Olympic Committee, which has shamed all Americans and especially American athletes as the London Olympics loom less than two weeks away.

The USOC revealed the 2012 official Olympic uniforms this week, and the news could only have been worse if the uniforms had been designed by Lady Gaga and included jackets made of live earthworms, 40-inch heels and no pants.

Instead, the uniforms are under the auspices of fashion designer Ralph Lauren, and my only two complaints will be listed in inverse order of importance:

2. The uniforms were made in China. Seriously. U.S. unemployment is 8 percent but we’re outsourcing to China to make the U.S. Olympic uniforms. Democrats and Republicans agree on something about once a decade, but they agree this is, symbolically, at least, embarrassing.

1. The preppy white slacks and double-breasted dark blue blazers will make every American athlete look like a spoiled rich kid named Thad stepping on to his family’s yacht. Far worse, the uniforms are topped by a French beret! Everybody looks dorky in a beret. If I were joking I’d say the uniform hats were upside-down red plant pots like the New Wave group Devo used to wear, but berets are the next worst thing. The beret finds the spoiled rich kid Thad wearing a paisley ascot, smoking an elaborate pipe and driving a Fiat.

To tie all this together, I say we give Paterno the ultimate embarrassment by putting a beret on his statue’s head.

• Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen is going “closer by committee” after demoting Heath Bell. It isn’t a good sign when your season’s blown saves outnumber Greg Oden’s knee surgeries. There are whispers Bell is overweight and out of shape. I can’t say. Although he did test positive last week for Twinkies.

• Heat star Dwyane Wade (skipping the Olympics) and Marlins slugger Giancarlo Stanton (out another month) underwent minor knee surgery the same day. I heard the teams hooked up on a 2-for-1 deal with a cut-rate “doctor” in Hialeah to save money. OK, probably not.

• With Dolphins training camp only 12 days away, the team reportedly will make minor changes to its logo beginning in 2013. If they keep missing the playoffs every year, I suggest the dolphin add sunglasses and a mustache to avoid being recognized.

• A new NFL rule will allow teams to lift the TV blackout and air games locally if only 85 percent of non-premium seats are sold. Great. Like Dolfans needed one more reason not to attend games?

• The Saints and Drew Brees agreed to a five-year, $100 million contract including an NFL-record $60 million guaranteed. That’s quite a bounty! Wait, let me rephrase that.

•  LeBron James swept three individual awards at the 20th annual ESPYs and helped the Heat win Team of the Year. Juwan Howard and Mike Miller were on hand to accept the team award. That’s like me accepting the Pulitzer Prize on behalf of The Miami Herald.

• Baylor basketball star Brittney Griner

The Heat’s first of five Summer League games in Las Vegas is Sunday against Toronto. This is where fans who just cheered a championship parade feign interest in how Norris Cole and draftee Justin Hamilton are doing against other teams’ B-listers.

• Brooklyn is out. Is Houston in? Or might he end up back in Orlando booed by his own fans? The Dwight Howard saga could only get stranger if suddenly he married the best available Kardashian.

• The Panthers, quiet in free agency, signed a young forward, Peter Mueller, with a history of concussions. At least he won’t be playing a sport with hard hits like hockey or anything!

• The National League’s 8-0 win marked the third-most lopsided All-Star Game ever, and also one of the lowest rated, following a Home Run Derby marked by Kansas City fans’ merciless booing. Bud Selig hadn’t had that much fun since the Mitchell Report.

• ESPN The Mag’s annual “Body” issue came out. Sports writers don’t share the fascination for naked athletes. Guess we’ve seen one too many 340-pound nose tackles waddling from a shower sans towel.

•  Flo Rida performed the postgame concert Friday as the Marlins returned to action from the All-Star break. Since the Florida Marlins are now the Miami Marlins, shouldn’t Flo Rida now be Mi Ami?

• Ex-Hurricane Yasmani Grandal, called up by the Padres, made a statement when his first three hits were home runs. The statement was, “Why didn’t I hold out for a bigger signing bonus?”

• NASCAR suspended driver A.J. Allmendinger for failing a drug test. He previously was best known for having a funny name.

• A South Korean won the U.S. Women’s Open in golf. Or, did that go without saying? A South Korean winning in the LPGA is every bit as stunning as a Kenyan winning a marathon.

• The X Games happened in Los Angeles. This is where ESPN keeps trying to convince us that adults in their 30s skateboarding isn’t the least bit sad.

• The racing yacht Groupama won the Volvo Ocean Race. I don’t wanna say that race seemed to go on forever, but when it began, one of the early leaders was the Mayflower.

•  Parting thought: Bobby Bowden said Penn State should take down the statue of Paterno. Either that or maybe just position it so that it is constantly looking the other way.

Visit Greg Cote’s Random Evidence of a Cluttered Blog daily at MiamiHerald.com, and follow on Twitter @gregcote.

Read more Sports stories from the Miami Herald

Miami Herald

Join the
Discussion

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

The Miami Herald uses Facebook's commenting system. You need to log in with a Facebook account in order to comment. If you have questions about commenting with your Facebook account, click here.

Have a news tip? You can send it anonymously. Click here to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Miami Herald and el Nuevo Herald.

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

  • Marketplace

Today's Circulars

  • Quick Job Search

Enter Keyword(s) Enter City Select a State Select a Category