$29 plus shipping and handling from Grandin Road, 5566 West Chester Rd., West Chester, Ohio 45069, 866-668-5962, www.grandinroad.com (Search for item No. 45465)

Suggested by W. von Papineäu of Gloucester, Ontario, Canada

Nothing says “Welcome to my home!” like snakes. And when it comes to choosing an animated snake wreath — whether as a gift, or for your own personal use — what you’re looking for, above all else, is quality. That’s why we here at the Holiday Gift Guide strongly recommend that you ignore all the cheap “knockoff” animated snake wreaths on the market and go with the Martha Stewart model.

This is a beautifully crafted wreath festooned with realistic rubber snakes, which are connected to a battery-powered motor and some kind of electronic thing, so that when visitors approach your door, your snakes vibrate in a menacing rubber manner. Your guests are bound to be delighted, assuming they do not go into cardiac arrest.

This is the only animated snake wreath endorsed by both Metallica and the National Council of Churches. Back to Main Page

DAVE BARRY 2011 GIFT GUIDE

• Wine Rack
• Candwich — Sandwich in a Can
• Dear Leader Tongue Scraper
• Wrap-a-Nap
• Morphsuit
• Toad Purse
• The 'Phubby' Wrist Phone Cubby

• Game On Glove
• Christmas Stocking Full of Knives
• Cow and Horse Droppings
• Girlfriend Pillow
• Martha Stewart Animated Snake Wreath
• Back to Main Page