Morphsuit

 
Bob Eighmie

$49.95 and up, plus shipping and handling from International Marketing & Logistics, Fao Morphsuits, unit 11c Stephenson Rd., Gorse Lane Industrial Estate, Clacton on Sea, CO15 4XA, U.K., www.morphsuits.com

Suggested by Chuck Cody of Columbus, Ohio

Wouldn’t it be great if you could be invisible? That’s the idea behind the Morphsuit, which is a one-piece suit made of thin, stretchy Spandex fabric that covers your entire body and head, thus rendering you completely invisible!

We don’t mean “invisible” in the sense of “not visible to others.” We mean it in the sense of, “causing people to avert their eyes in hopes you will go away, because you are wearing a creepy full-body stocking that does a poor job of concealing your various bulges.”

According to the manufacturer, you can see through Morphsuits “and drink through them.” However, the manufacturer warns that “they do impair the vision of the wearer,” and “should not be used as protective clothing, near naked flames or whilst driving.”

But other than that, the Morphsuit is a superb way to draw attention to yourself. You can wear it to work, school, parties, weddings, sporting events, political rallies — virtually any place where you want to run the risk of getting beat up or arrested. Or you can just wear it around the house, as is the practice of leading fashion sophisticates such as Ralph Lauren.

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