Jeff, with help from Robert, also found out how the rats were getting into our house. Basically they were coming in through wood in the soffit that rotted when water leaked through the shingle flashing of the gutter casement fascia truss sheathing differential joists. I may not have these terms exactly right; I get confused when truck-owning men explain technical things to me while breaking off chunks of my house with their bare hands for emphasis. All I know is, we were in for more days of pounding.

It was during this period that we found out that we had termites. If you’re a homeowner, and you’re wondering whether you might have a termite problem, here’s a helpful quiz:

1. Do you live in Florida?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you have a termite problem. In our case, the termites were eating our truss fascia joist casement cosine soffits, which if you know anything about truck ownership, are very important house parts. This means we had to endure still more pounding, plus of course men in trucks had to come and fill our house with deadly poison gas. I considered simply remaining in the house with the gas and the termites and the wood rot and the dissolving corpse of Stu, to put myself out of the misery of continued home ownership. But of course that would be morally wrong, as well as a violation of Coral Gables law.

Anyway, at the moment we are pest-free, as far as I know, unless you count the vast menagerie of cockroaches, mosquitoes, lizards, toads, snakes, etc., that infest every square inch of our tropical paradise. But it’s worth it, because of the great weather we have down here, right?

Speaking of which: It’s four months to hurricane season.