The "Flair Hair" Visor


$19.99 plus shipping and handling from Kotula’s, 1850 Banks Rd., Fort Mill, S.C. 29715, 800-685-4845;

Here’s the perfect gift for the balding man on your holiday list who wants to keep the sun out of his eyes while at the same time appearing to have developed some kind of giant carnivorous scalp fungus. This is a sun visor that, instead of being open on the top, has been fitted with a swatch of what appears to be shag carpeting from a motel room that has not been cleaned since 1987. You simply put this item on your head, and suddenly, instead of looking like an ordinary bald guy, you look like a bald guy who does not own a mirror. The "Flair Hair" visor comes in a variety of hair shades, none of them human. This is the only hair visor endorsed by Mr. Donald Trump.

Next gift: The Maniki Butt Bra for Men


Read more Dave Barry Gift Guide stories from the Miami Herald


    You've probably seen the TV commercials for Perfect Polly, the battery-operated pretend parakeet manufactured in China from genuine plastic.


    These are special glasses that use an amazing scientific principle — possibly photosynthesis — to bend light beams at a 90-degree angle. This means that when you put these glasses on, instead of seeing what's in front of you, you're actually looking straight down.


    If you are not putting a brassiere on your hen (or self-mutilating parrot) (which would be a good name for a rock band) you could very well be contributing to its DEATH.

Miami Herald

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