$19.95 plus shipping and handling from Bark4Beer LLC, 7660 Fay Ave., #H321, La Jolla, Calif. 92037; www.bark4beer.com

Suggested by Dick Hess of Denver, Colo.

How many times have you wanted to open a beer, but you didn’t have a bottle opener handy, and you couldn’t go find one for some reason, such as you were unable to stand up? If that happens a lot, then the Bark4Beer dog collar is the answer. This is a dog collar that has a bottle opener attached to it on a retractable cable. When you need an opener, all you have to do is call your dog, and, boom, just like that, nothing will happen. At least that’s what would happen to us, because our dog does not come when called. The only commands she obeys are "Pass gas!" and "Lick your privates!" But if your dog is actually obedient, the Bark4Beer collar would be a great accessory. If you could train your dog to bring you beer, you’d never have to move again.

If you don’t have a dog, you could put the Bark4Beer collar on a friend or loved one. We suppose you could even wear it yourself, but that might be viewed as a sign that you have a problem.

Next gift: Gadget Holster

DAVE BARRY 2010 GIFT GUIDE

• The "Flair Hair" Visor
• The Maniki Butt Bra for Men
• The Better Marriage Anti-Flatulence Blanket
• "Rear Gear" Pet Coverup
• BARK4BEER Dog-Collar Bottle Opener
• Gadget Holster
• Camouflage Toilet Seat

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• Emergency Brassiere Face Mask
• The Pillow Tie
• Electric Drums T-Shirt
• Remote-controlled Shocking Tanks
• Hand-Crank Siren
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