The Better Marriage Anti-Flatulence Blanket

 
BOB EIGHMIE / FOR THE HERALD

$29.95 - $59.95 plus shipping and handling from The Better Marriage Blanket; www.bettermarriageblanket.com

Note: As of the Gift Guide publication date, this item is out of stock.

Suggested by Brian Duval of Gladstone, N.J.

The Better Marriage Blanket is designed to improve marital bliss by absorbing odors emitted by a sleeping married person (it also works for sleeping unmarried persons). According to the official website, the Better Marriage Blanket "contains the same type of fabric used by the military to protect against chemical weapons." That’s right: We’re talking about a military-grade defense against nighttime tooting. How does it work? Scientifically, that’s how: "The molecules that cause the odor are absorbed and neutralized in millions of microscopic pores in the activated carbon so it has an almost unlimited capacity for eliminating odor."

If you don’t think this would be an appropriate gift for the holidays, consider this: The website states that it "makes a great wedding or anniversary gift too." We imagine it would also be a huge hit on Valentine’s Day. In fact, it’s the perfect gift to give any time you wish to express the heartfelt sentiment, "You tend to cut the cheese in your sleep."

Next gift: "Rear Gear" Pet Coverup

DAVE BARRY 2010 GIFT GUIDE

Read more Dave Barry Gift Guide stories from the Miami Herald

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    If you are not putting a brassiere on your hen (or self-mutilating parrot) (which would be a good name for a rock band) you could very well be contributing to its DEATH.

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