The Pillow Tie

 
BOB EIGHMIE / FOR THE HERALD

The Pillow Tie

$19.95 plus shipping and handling from www.pillowtie.com

Suggested by Barb Goldstein of Albany, N.Y.

A man wearing a necktie makes an important statement about himself. That statement is: "I am wearing an idiotic garment around my neck."

Yes, the pathetic truth is that neckties serve no useful purpose. We modern men wear them only because our fathers wore them, and they wore them only because THEIR fathers wore them, and so on backward in history to a time of such ignorance that mankind believed solar eclipses were caused by a giant snake swallowing the sun.

Today, thanks to science, we know that the sun isn’t being swallowed by a giant snake: it’s simply being obscured by a shadow, which is cast by the giant snake. Yet despite all our modern scientific knowledge, we’re still wearing these stupid neckties.

Well, finally somebody has done something, and that something is the Pillow Tie. This is a tie that can be quickly inflated to serve as a pillow, thus enabling the wearer to put his head down and catch "40 winks" during tedious situations such as attending meetings, holding congressional hearings or piloting long-haul commercial airliners. The Pillow Tie comes in a variety of colors and patterns, none of them particularly attractive. But what do you care? You’ll be asleep.

Next gift: Electric Drums T-Shirt

DAVE BARRY 2010 GIFT GUIDE

Read more Dave Barry Gift Guide stories from the Miami Herald

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    You've probably seen the TV commercials for Perfect Polly, the battery-operated pretend parakeet manufactured in China from genuine plastic.

  • PRISM GLASSES

    These are special glasses that use an amazing scientific principle — possibly photosynthesis — to bend light beams at a 90-degree angle. This means that when you put these glasses on, instead of seeing what's in front of you, you're actually looking straight down.

  • CHICKEN BRASSIERE

    If you are not putting a brassiere on your hen (or self-mutilating parrot) (which would be a good name for a rock band) you could very well be contributing to its DEATH.

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