A. Our top political leaders have all voiced strong support for this idea.

Q. So you're saying it will never happen?

A. Right.

Q. At 9 a.m. today, I made large cash contributions to both major political parties. As of 1:30 this afternoon, the federal government had still not enacted special tax-break legislation just for me. What kind of country is this?

A. Unfortunately, because of the high demand, the federal government can no longer provide "same-day service, " but if you do not see action by noon tomorrow, you should contact your personal congressperson; or, if you are staying in the Lincoln Bedroom, simply stomp on the floor.

Q. I have been trying without success since 1962 to get through on the IRS Taxpayer Assistance Hot Line. I understand that the IRS now also has a help site on the Internet.

A. That is correct. Now, in addition to failing to receive help by phone, taxpayers can fail to receive additional help by trying unsuccessfully to connect with the IRS World Wide Web site at http://www.bunchofletters.gov.

Q. If I could get through to that web site, what would I see?

A. Photographs of Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) naked.

Q. When you write columns like this, don't you worry that the IRS is going to get ticked off and audit you with an electron microscope?

A. No, because the guys and gals at the IRS are a fun bunch, and they know I'm just kidding around. "Ha-ha, " is their reaction, unless they work in the finance and management division, where their reaction, if they know what's good for them, is "Ha ha."

(c) 2010, Dave Barry
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