Meals. Bedtime. Discipline. The reasons parents clash over the kids are endless, especially now that more unemployed dads are filling in for back-to-work moms as the bad economy grinds through a second year.

``I've never seen such stress in parents and families,'' says Michele Borba, a psychologist and mother of three boys who has written 22 books on parenting. ``The recession is causing stress, No. 1. And No. 2, it's a pressure-packed world.''

Borba and other parenting experts suggest a game plan that recognizes differences between partners as positives rather than sources of conflict. But reversing long-standing parenting patterns while managing the day-to-day can be daunting.

``Our roles are sketched out,'' says Jennifer Aniskovich, who with husband, Bill, is raising daughters Celia, 17, and Emi, 7, in Branford, Conn.

``He's the fun dad and I'm the mom who's always saying `No.' ''

Jennifer, 44, headed a state arts and tourism commission but now works part time as a consultant. Bill runs a substance abuse facility. With a 10-year spread between their girls, they've learned to diffuse parenting clashes through humor and knowing when to walk away from a disagreement over the kids.

``But no matter how careful you are,'' Jennifer says, ``there's always the lurking danger that you're going to view yourselves as being on separate teams. That's the biggest challenge of parenting.''

Consistency is perhaps the top parenting clash, says Borba, who has a new telephone book-size tome called The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Problems and Wildest Worries.

``When the parental unit in a household is weakened due to conflict, it can have a major impact on the children's sense of confidence and safety,'' she says.

``Not only are the mixed signals confusing and frustrating for kids, when the problems end up resurfacing down the road, so do the arguments with your spouse,'' Borba says.

The issue is made even more difficult when roles change.

After a mid-career switch into real estate in 2007, Mark Odria of Carrollton, Texas, was laid off. He was out of work for eight months, got a job selling steel in January and got laid off again in July.

His wife, Katelyn, has always worked, but they let their nanny go and Mark now cares full-time for their kids, 7-year-old Nicholas and 9-month-old Ava.

``Mark is very good at taking care of the kids and keeping the house up, but I'm the more lenient one,'' Katelyn says.

``If Nicholas won't pick up his toys, my husband's reaction is, `If you don't pick them up, I'll throw them away,' where I'll give him a second or a third chance.''

While Mark's role has changed, his approach to discipline has not. Nor has his wife's frustration.

``It's just really hard for me not to say at least something in the moment.''