Gallery | Dave Barry's photos from China

• 

  Tonight my family ate at a restaurant that featured, among many other tempting menu items, Gastronomy Frog.

• 

  They also had Highest-ranking imperial concubine's milk bread.

• 

  And of course they had Soup eel soup, which of course they had.

• 

  Here's the famous Forbidden City. DAVE BARRY/MIAMI HERALD STAFF

• 

  Dave Barry visits the famous Forbidden City while covering the Olympic Games in Beijing, China.

• 

  Here's a badly exposed picture of me near the famous picture of Chairman Mao at the famous Forbidden City. Chairman Mao is also on all of the money and many souvenirs. He is like the Hannah Montana of China. DAVE BARRY/MIAMI HERALD STAFF

• 

  I went to a club in Beijing and saw some rock bands. You can't really tell, from this photo, how loud this band was.

• 

  This band also featured many decibels.

• 

  But the crowd definitely enjoyed it.

• 

  It was a full-service club.

• 

  Here I am with the Great Budweiser Bottle of China.

• 

  There are a lot of heroic statues around Beijing. Here's one expressing the theme: "Take a look at our armpits."

• 

  Here's a statue outside Chairman Mao's tomb, showing Mao signaling a first down.

• 

  This campaign, while laudable, has not been 100 percent effective.

• 

  This little boy was scooting around Tiananmen Square, pursued by his mother.

• 

  Here is the back view of the same boy. Maybe he was fleeing his mother so she would stop doing Olympic-related things to his hair.

• 

  They sell just the three parts. But they are good parts.

• 

  At Beijing's famous Silk Market, you can get fabulous deals on popular action figures such as Fidel, Spider Man, and Osama.

• 

  Here's a stall in a local market. This one stall alone contains 83 percent of all the stuff in the universe.

• 

  There is a wide selection of merchandise for sale featuring Mao, Che, and pandas.

• 

  Next door you have your smoking pipes.

• 

  If you're thinking of playing Kongming latent, do not do it here.

• 

  On the other hand, if you're in a hurry to get a seal carved, this is the place.

• 

  Here's a store for those times when you don't really feel like a whole camera.

• 

  There are helpful Olympic volunteers everywhere.

• 

  Here's a Beijing motorist having a smoke in his vehicle.

• 

  I went up to this guy and said, quote, "Miami!" He had no idea what I was talking about, but agreed to have his picture taken with me. He looks a little concerned, and I frankly do not blame him.

• 

  Here I am with another landmark, the famous Peking Duck.

• 

  This is the McDonald's near our hotel, which is always busy.

• 

  We went out to see the Great Wall of China. At first I was disappointed, because it's a lot smaller than it looks in the pictures. DAVE BARRY/MIAMI HERALD STAFF

• 

  But then it turned out that there was another, larger, Great Wall of China, nearby. DAVE BARRY/MIAMI HERALD STAFF

• 

  The visit went pretty well, until I was arrested by the feared Bad Tourist Haircut Police. DAVE BARRY/MIAMI HERALD STAFF

• 

  Here's a picture left over from my trip to the Great Wall, showing a sign telling you how to ride the gondola. DAVE BARRY/MIAMI HERALD STAFF

• 

  Here's a picture of the famous Wu Mart. If you need Wu, this is the place to get it. DAVE BARRY/MIAMI HERALD STAFF

• 

  Afterward we ate at a restaurant where the menu featured "mafia salad." We did not order it. DAVE BARRY/MIAMI HERALD STAFF

• 

  Here's a sign over a urinal in one of the restrooms at the Summer Palace. DAVE BARRY/MIAMI HERALD STAFF

• 

  The Chinese people that we've met have gone out of their way to make us feel welcome. This boy came up to us and, in pretty good English, said "Welcome to Beijing!" His mom bought my daughter a Popsicle. DAVE BARRY/MIAMI HERALD STAFF

• 

  We went to the Summer Palace, which is a large ancient tourist attraction. It was beautiful. It was also teeming with tourists. DAVE BARRY/MIAMI HERALD STAFF

• 

  The air in Beijing today is very <s>polluted</s> hazy. Here's a photo I took from my hotel window. DAVE BARRY/MIAMI HERALD STAFF

• 

  DAVE BARRY: Here I am with the Stone of the God of Longevity. I didn't even know there was a God of Longevity, let alone that he had his own stone. DAVE BARRY/MIAMI HERALD STAFF