DAVE BARRY GIFT GUIDE 2007

Hand Soap

 

$14 plus shipping and handling (har) from foliage, http://foliage.myshopify.com/products/handsoap

Suggested by Jim Gilboy of Hales Corners, Wis.

Is there a woman on your gift list, with ''woman'' defined as 'a person who puts 'decorative hand soaps' in the bathroom that guests are supposed to use, so that the actual guests are afraid to wash their hands with the soap because they don't want to mess it up, so they end up either not washing at all or just wetting their hands and then drying them on their pants, because they are also afraid to use the 'decorative towels'?''

If so, then you will want to give that woman these decorative hand soaps, which are actually shaped like hands, reaching up at you in a truly creepy decorative way. No guest would dream of actually using these soaps. They will last for centuries, grasping upward in the guest-bathroom gloom.

››Psycho Shower Curtain

Read more Dave Barry Gift Guide stories from the Miami Herald

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    You've probably seen the TV commercials for Perfect Polly, the battery-operated pretend parakeet manufactured in China from genuine plastic.

  • PRISM GLASSES

    These are special glasses that use an amazing scientific principle — possibly photosynthesis — to bend light beams at a 90-degree angle. This means that when you put these glasses on, instead of seeing what's in front of you, you're actually looking straight down.

  • CHICKEN BRASSIERE

    If you are not putting a brassiere on your hen (or self-mutilating parrot) (which would be a good name for a rock band) you could very well be contributing to its DEATH.

Miami Herald

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