Cost and availability unknown. Purchased at a dollar store near the Key Largo public library.

Suggested by Barbara Hampson-Keller of Homestead

Ask any leading medical authority what is the single most important thing you can do for your health, and that authority will answer: ''Protect your ears from the sun.'' Unfortunately, too few of us heed this advice, which is why, every year, the tragedy of earburn afflicts more Americans than any other single affliction you will see mentioned in this particular sentence.

What can you do about this, both for yourself and for your loved ones? Nothing. We were going to tell you to buy Earshadze, which are these plastic things that you clip onto your hat so they stick out over your ears, thus transforming yourself, with very little effort, into the world's biggest dork. But it turns out that you can't buy Earshadze any more. We apparently own the only pair in existence, sent to us by Barbara Hampson-Keller. We're putting them in the Holiday Gift Guide solely to make you eat your heart out. Ha ha! See you in the Earburn Unit, loser!


Read more Dave Barry Gift Guide - 2006 stories from the Miami Herald

<b>ON DASHER, ON DANCER?</b> Santa Claus is coming to town in style on the <a href="16097686.htm">Cruzin Cooler.</a>


    What's behind Santa's Ho-Ho-Ho

    Holiday gift-giving is a tradition that dates back roughly 2,006 years, to when the Three Wise Men went to Bethlehem with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh for the Baby Jesus. Of course the next day the Virgin Mary returned these items for store credit, because she was a low-income mother with a newborn, and as the old saying goes, ''You can't diaper a baby with frankincense.''

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