The Birds-Away Attack Spider

 

$15 plus shipping and handling from Sophron Marketing, 11094 Mt. Brow Rd., Sonora, Calif. 95370, 888-767-4766; www.attackspider.com

Suggested by Heather Bergevin of West Columbia, S.C.

Ask the average American citizen, ''What is the biggest problem facing our nation today?'' Chances are that citizen will reply: ''Woodpeckers.''

That is why we are so pleased to include the Birds-Away Attack Spider Woodpecker Deterrent in this year's Gift Guide. This is a large hairy battery-operated pretend spider that hangs on a string. According to the manufacturer, when a woodpecker starts pecking wood, the spider drops down on its string making a noise, which scares away the woodpecker. Of course in real life, spiders don't eat woodpeckers, but woodpeckers are way too stupid to figure that out. Their brains are mush from pecking wood all the time. They can't even remember why they do it.

But the point is that this is an excellent product, which would enhance any home, even one where woodpeckers are not a problem. You could hang one of these babies over your front door, just out of sight, and when a visitor knocked . . . AIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

If that doesn't work, deploy your Toilet Monster.

NEXT | Marie Antoinette Action Figure

Read more Dave Barry Gift Guide - 2006 stories from the Miami Herald

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<b>ON DASHER, ON DANCER?</b> Santa Claus is coming to town in style on the <a href="16097686.htm">Cruzin Cooler.</a>

    DAVE BARRY'S ANNUAL GIFT GUIDE

    What's behind Santa's Ho-Ho-Ho

    Holiday gift-giving is a tradition that dates back roughly 2,006 years, to when the Three Wise Men went to Bethlehem with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh for the Baby Jesus. Of course the next day the Virgin Mary returned these items for store credit, because she was a low-income mother with a newborn, and as the old saying goes, ''You can't diaper a baby with frankincense.''

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