DAVE BARRY ANNUAL GIFT GUIDE

Camo Cough Silencer

 

$24.99 plus shipping and handling from Cabela's, 115 Cabela Dr., Sidney, Neb. 69160, 800-237-8888 (fax 308-254-6745); www.cabelas.com

Suggested by Jennifer Karulski of Tucson, Ariz.

It's a question we have all asked ourselves: ''If we can have silencers for our pistols, why can't we have silencers for our throats?''

The answer is: At last, we can! This cough silencer was developed by leading researchers in the hunting community to enable outdoorspersons to cough silently and thus avoid scaring away a woodland creature before the outdoorsperson has the opportunity to blow it into tiny furred smithereens.

The beauty of this silencer is that it is -- like pretty much everything your serious outdoorsperson owns, including his dentures -- painted in camouflage, which means it is completely invisible to the naked eye, making it ideal for use in movie theaters, libraries, funerals, etc. Many top male ballet dancers carry this cough silencer when they perform. That is the bulge you are seeing.

NEXT | Toilet Monster

Read more Dave Barry Gift Guide - 2006 stories from the Miami Herald

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<b>ON DASHER, ON DANCER?</b> Santa Claus is coming to town in style on the <a href="16097686.htm">Cruzin Cooler.</a>

    DAVE BARRY'S ANNUAL GIFT GUIDE

    What's behind Santa's Ho-Ho-Ho

    Holiday gift-giving is a tradition that dates back roughly 2,006 years, to when the Three Wise Men went to Bethlehem with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh for the Baby Jesus. Of course the next day the Virgin Mary returned these items for store credit, because she was a low-income mother with a newborn, and as the old saying goes, ''You can't diaper a baby with frankincense.''

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