LANDOVER, Md. -- A football defeat such as this one might have counted as heartache, on another day, on another field, for another team. It's just that the Washington Redskins have learned enough about genuine heartache the past week -- too, too much -- to know that nothing measured on a scoreboard can remotely qualify.

There are lost games, and there is real loss, and the latter was all over this place Sunday, long before the Redskins would lose a game, 17-16, to a last-second field goal by the Buffalo Bills.

It welled in tears and makeshift memorials at tailgate gatherings all over the stadium grounds as Redskins fans mourned the sudden, brutal death of star defender Sean Taylor. You heard it as a marching band played a slow hymn called Going Home.

Saw it in a video tribute. Felt it in the heart-rending sound of 85,000 usually raucous fans all still in an aching moment of silence.

The team came out for its first defensive play with only 10 men on the field.

''No, we didn't,'' corrected linebacker London Fletcher.

''Sean was out there. Believe me,'' said end Phillip Daniels, in a postgame dressing room so quiet, whispers seemed loud. Daniels fought to control his voice as it wavered. ``At least he started the game with us. We wanted to win the game for Sean. We didn't, and it hurts.''

Redskins players, coaches and officials, a team travel party in the hundreds, will jet in for Monday's funeral for Taylor on the Florida International University campus, and leave soon after to return home and prepare for a Thursday night game.

The burden of finding a place for football in heavy hearts and minds has been an impossible challenge the past week, since Taylor was mortally wounded in a burglary at his Miami-area home (there rehabilitating from a knee injury) and died last Tuesday.

''Everybody wanted to play hard, but it was hard to get the emotions up to play,'' said coach Joe Gibbs. ``I think everyone was kind of drained. A tough, long, hard week for us Redskins.''

CONTROVERSIAL END

The game would end in controversy on a faux pas by the embattled Gibbs, who called two timeouts in a row to ''ice'' Bills kicker Rian Lindell -- unaware that constituted unsportsmanlike conduct and a 15-yard penalty that abbreviated Lindell's winning kick from 51 yards to 36. Gibbs said an official on the sideline told him he could call a second timeout, but the coach accepted responsibility.

''I made a decision at the end that very likely cost us the game,'' he said. ``That's on me.''

Only on this day, perhaps, would such a thing have shrunk to insignificance. Only on this day would Washington falling to a 5-7 record to all but ruin any playoff hope seem such an afterthought.

South Florida and Taylor's University of Miami family get to say goodbye next. Sunday was for the Redskins, and their fans. It was 40 degrees and gray, the skies later shedding rain, the whole day feeling like dusk, the weather perfect for the occasion. Small white towels embossed with Taylor's number, 21, whipped like a snowstorm in the gathering gloom, coming in handy for the tears.

Players wore Taylor's number on helmet decals. Tributes to the slain 24-year-old were all over the stadium, inside and out. On a hand-drawn message on a bedsheet draped from the cab of a pickup truck. On small poster-board signs affixed with clippings and hearts.

Teddy bears and flowers and messages were placed at a growing memorial outside the stadium where the large number 21 had been painted on a grassy area.

Five fans stood forming a small circle near the memorial, hands clasped, two hours before the game. One woman in the circle wept. The small number 21 was painted in black beneath her eyes, and streaked in tears.

''I never met Sean, but I feel like I knew him,'' the woman, Kelly Hargrove, 24, of Alexandria, Va., said moments later. ``You invite these guys into your living room. They become like family.''

Everywhere players looked Sunday were reminders. Not that reminders were needed.

''Any down time you think of Sean,'' said Daniels, the end. ``On the bench. During timeouts. Every second. We tried to put our pain aside but it was hard, man. It was real hard. Hopefully [Monday] we can go down to Miami to get some closure and start to move forward.''

Left tackle Chris Samuels, 6-5 and 317 pounds, admitted he cried behind his face mask during pregame warm-ups.

You walked into the home team's locker room at FedEx Field after Sunday's game to see it enclosed behind glass, protected, like something precious. It is something precious. It is what's left of Taylor: The memory of him. His No. 21 jersey stretched across shoulder pads. A burgundy T-shirt on a hangar. Frozen behind a pane. Pain, everywhere.

''Just looking up and seeing that locker cased up, seeing that empty seat sit right there -- it's an emptiness, a shock,'' said Redskins running back Clinton Portis, like Taylor a former Hurricane. ``You hold everything in, you bottle everything in, but that's harder than crying.''

GIVING THANKS

Washington receiver Santana Moss, another ex-Cane, recalled Taylor making a point to wish his teammates and coaches a Happy Thanksgiving recently. Taylor talked about his 18-month-old daughter that day. That was him, giving thanks.

''Now, for me to look back on that day, there was something being told then,'' Moss said. ``You never really know at that moment, but it was just like he went out so happy.''

Death challenges these men of the macho world of football in ways their sport does not. It makes them feel. It makes them allow themselves to hurt.

''It's hard to tell another man that you respect him and care for him and even love him,'' said Portis. ``I would say that to Sean if I could.''

There is a loss, and there is real loss.

''I'm terribly disappointed that we lost the game,'' guard Pete Kendall put it. ``But [Monday] we bury a teammate. I don't know if anything can be much worse.''

Join the discussion

Note: If this is your first time using our NEW commenting system, you will have to LOG OUT and then LOG BACK IN.

The Miami Herald is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere in the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. In order to post comments, you must be a registered user of MiamiHerald.com. Your username will show along with the comments you post. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

     Showing: Oldest first Newest first Most-recommended first Least-recommended first

@Nyx.AuthorDisplayName@ wrote on @Nyx.PostedAtTime@:

@Nyx.CommentBody@

@Nyx.Recommender@ @Nyx.AbuseReporter@